Building Tate's Friendships
发展Tate的朋友圈
People are so amazed that my son withautism has friends and I get that. I marvel at it myself. The very descriptionof autism is about as far from the word “friend” as a person can get. Wordslike: aloof, detached, and indifferent, are descriptive of autism, right? Sohow can a kid with autism have a friend or be a friend?
朋友们对我那患有自闭症的孩子有很多朋友感到很惊奇，这我理解。连我自己都觉得是个奇迹。自闭症的描述跟“朋友”两字差十万八千里。像冷漠、疏离和漠不关心之类的词才是形容自闭症的，对吧？那么一个患有自闭症的孩子要如何拥有朋友，或者成为别人的朋友呢？
Beloware the components that were used to create the friendships Tate has. This maynot work for everyone with autism but these are the things we did.
以下是Tate交朋友中关键的因素 。这可能不适用于每个自闭症患者，但我们是这样做的。
Inclusion: Tatewas in the classroom with typically developing peers for most of his day ingrade school. His peers became very familiar with his behaviors and his needs.In Junior High Tate spends a lot more of his day in an individualized educationsetting because he works at a much lower grade level than his peers. However,the relationships developed in grade school are still being nurtured often invarious settings.
融入：在小学，Tate大部分时间都和发育速度正常的同龄人一起。他的同学们熟悉他的行为方式和需求。在中学，因为Tate的学习水平比他的同学们低几个年级，他大部分的时间是在为个人定制的教育环境里度过的。但是，他在小学时建立的友谊还在各种环境中继续延续着。
Education: This one isHUGE. We never hid Tate’s diagnosis from his peers or their parents. When Tatedid things that seemed odd the kids could ask questions and they were given ageappropriate information. I asked Tate’s teachers to read books about childrenwith autism with their class. When people are given correct information andeducated they are not left to come up with their own version of the truth. Tatewas never thought of as “weird” because his classmates and their parents wereeducated about autism.
教育：这一条非常重要。我们从不向Tate的同学或同学家长隐瞒他的病症。当Tate做了一些奇怪的事情时，同学们可以问问题，并且得到适合他们这个年龄的回答。我请老师在班里读一些关于自闭症孩子的书。当人们接收到正确的信息和教育，他们就不会自己胡思乱想。因为Tate的同学和他们的家长对自闭症有一定了解，他们从不认为Tate古怪。
SocialSkills Coaching: Tate had full support at school. An adultwas constantly giving Tate instruction in social skills. On occasion, membersof Tate’s IEP team would suggest Tate did not need support on the playgroundbut instead needed free time (which would have been used by Tate to pace aloneand stim). I insisted the playground was a crucial time for him to receivecoaching. This playground coaching played a large part in developingfriendships. Tate was pushed to play with peers and peers were encouraged toinclude him in games and to give him support themselves. The Paraprofessionalwas able to stand back and watch as the other children engaged Tate in playsometimes.
社交技能训练：学校给了Tate全方位的支持。一个成人一直在给予他社交技能方面的指导。有时候，Tate的个人教育团队会表示，Tate在操场上不需要协助，而是需要一些自由时间（他会用这些时间自己一个人玩耍或做重复的小动作)。但我坚持操场是一个对他社交技巧训练非常重要的地方。在操场上的社交练习在发展友谊中起了重大作用。Tate被要求去和同学玩耍，而同学们也被鼓励来支持Tate，在游戏中邀请他加入。辅助的专业人员有时候可以站在一旁，看着孩子们和Tate自由玩耍。
LunchBuddies and Other Social Skills Programs: We had organized social skills programs for Tate. The speech teachercame into Tate’s classroom twice a week in the early grades and organized boardgames and other activities for Tate and a few peers to engage in together. Shecoached the peers on how best to interact with Tate while she was coaching Tateon how to behave appropriately. We started a lunch buddy program in secondgrade and it was invaluable. Today, social skills are still a part of Tate’sdaily education.
午餐伙伴以及其他社交技巧项目：我们为Tate组织了一些社交技巧的项目。在低年级时，演讲老师每两周会来一次Tate的班上组织Tate和他的同学们一起玩桌游或进行其他活动。她在教Tate的同学如何正确与Tate相处的同时，也指导Tate哪些是合适的行为。我们在Tate二年级的时候开设了午餐伙伴的项目，并且取得了非常好的效果。直到现在，社交技巧仍然是Tate日常教育中重要的一部分。
An Advocate: Many ofthe programs and supports Tate needed to develop friendships would not havebeen put in place had we not hired an advocate. She occasionally observed Tateat school, made recommendations, and always came to our IEP meetings. Ouradvocate was more knowledgeable about autism and the law than many of our IEPteam members. She could often provide data to support her reasoning and sherequested and received things for Tate that I had never thought to ask for. Anadvocate is very expensive but ours was worth every penny. Note: If youcannot afford an advocate my advice would be to get a Wright’s Law Book andstudy.
一个支持者：如果我们没有请这位支持者的话，Tate需要的很多发展友谊的项目以及支持将不会得到落实。她有时候会在学校观察Tate，提出建议，并且一直来参加我们的IEP会议。我们的支持者比很多IEP的组员都更加了解自闭症以及相关的法律。她常常能提供数据来支持她的提议，她也经常向我们问一些我们从来没想过她会问到的关于Tate情况的问题。请一个支持者很贵，但是是非常值得的。
Willing Peers: Withoutkind, willing peers Tate could not have friends. We had willing peers withcompassionate parents who allowed their children to be pulled from otheractivities occasionally to be peer models for Tate.
自愿的伙伴：如果没有那么多乐于助人的同龄人，Tate不会有那么多朋友。很多有爱心的家长允许他们的孩子有时放弃其他的活动来当Tate的榜样伙伴。
Teachers Who Were Vested: We havehad some rock star teachers involved over the years. Not every teacher waswilling to work hard or believed in what we were doing but most did. The speechteachers have usually been the ones to drive the lunch buddy program for us butothers have helped too. Tate’s Paraprofessionals had to shoulder the majorityof the responsibility much of the time as they are the ones who spend the mosttime with Tate. They reinforced all the social skills lessons into all aspectsof Tate’s day. Without all these hard-working adults we would not have gottenfar.
认真的老师：我们有幸遇到了一些很棒的老师。并不是所有老师都愿意努力帮助或者相信我们正在做的，但是大多数都是支持我们的。演讲老师是午餐伙伴的主要发起人，但是也有很多其他的老师在帮助举办这个活动。Tate的辅导员们担负着大部分的责任，因为他们是和Tate相处时间最久的人。他们帮助在Tate的每一天中不断加强他在社交技巧课上所学到的知识。没有所有这些人的帮助，我们不可能取得今天的成果。
Parents Willing To Work: No one’s involvement is more important than theparent. We badgered administrators and teachers for programs we thought reallymattered and we were not afraid to ask for things they had never done before.We paid for an advocate. We provided books about autism and social skills toteachers. I dropped donuts off at the school occasionally for the studentsparticipating in the lunch buddy program. I volunteered at the school and triedto keep an eye on Tate and his progress from the sidelines. I had to investtime in getting to know other parents. Other parents were not going to bewilling to allow their children to have play dates with mine if they barelyknew me. I had to “borrow” their kids after school occasionally and go to thepark or get ice cream. And during those times I was the social skills coach.Early on Tate was not thrilled when I arranged play dates but I did it anyway.
愿意努力的父母：没有人比父母的帮助更加有用。我们一再请求管理员和老师们实行一些项目，即使他们之前从来没有做过，我们也并不觉得不好意思。我们花钱请了一个专业的支持者。我们向老师们提供有关自闭症和社会技能的书籍。我有时还会在学生合作午饭小伙伴的项目进行时，分发甜甜圈。我参加学校的志愿者项目，时刻在旁边关注Tate和他的心理治疗进展。我也花时间去了解其他的家长。他们如果对我了解很少，就不会允许自己的孩子和我的孩子一起玩儿。我只得在放学后“借用”那些家长的孩子，并且付出去公园玩儿或者买冰淇淋的“代价”。在那些日子里，我是一个社会技能教练。早些时候，当我安排好这些游乐的时候，Tate虽然并没有很想去，但我还是会强迫他参加。
Patience: It did not happen over night. Tate was in class withsome of these kids for four years before he could tell them apart or remembertheir names. It took ages for Tate to develop reciprocal relationships withthese kids and it took a lot of hard work. Tate had to be taught really basicsocial skills and those had to be reinforced for years. His peers had to beeducated about autism and the adults in Tate’s life had to utilize everyopportunity they could find to work on social skills. At the beginning a lot ofTate’s relationships were very one-sided. The peers were nice to him but he wasnot interested in them. We did not give up. I can honestly say that Tate hasfriends his own age now. He is able to actively participate in friendship. Idid not know if we would ever get here but we have.
耐心：这些都不是一夜之间发生的。在Tate能够区分出每个人或是记住他们的名字之前的四年里，他都和其中的一些孩子们呆在一个班。想要让Tate发展和小伙伴们之间的关系，需要很长的一段时间，也需要很多努力。Tate需要学习真正意义上的基础社会技能，而且还要长时间不断加强巩固。在Tate的生活里，要尽可能地利用全部机会来练习社会技能。一开始，Tate的绝大部分关系都是单方面的。小伙伴们对他都很好，但他却不感兴趣。我们也没有放弃。老实讲，现在Tate已经有了同年龄的小伙伴。他也能积极建立自己的友谊。如果我们从未努力，我也看不到现在的样子，但是，我们做到了。
对本文的特别申明: 文中红色部分为广告，没有进行翻译。由于我们的医学专业知识和翻译水平有限，译文可能会有瑕疵，欢迎大家提出宝贵的意见和建议，以便帮助豆苗计划翻译小组更好地开展工作。
豆苗计划翻译小组
翻译：Greta 梦缘* 结冰的女孩儿
复核：刘玘 Rexx 祚同
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