论自闭症谱系患儿如何受益于大家庭环境

自闭症新闻

【豆苗翻译】（外）祖父母们的力量！--论自闭症谱系患儿如何受益于大家庭环境

Grandparent Power!

How Extended Family Can Enhance the Lives of Kids on theAutism Spectrum

（外）祖父母们的力量！--论自闭症谱系患儿如何受益于大家庭环境

来源：http://www.bridges4kids.org/articles/2006/9-06/Coulter9-5-06.html



By Dan Coulter

作者 Dan Coulter



As grandparents, you don’twant to be too quick to make judgments about parents’ actions whenyou may only see part of a very complicated situation. Did you everget frustrated with your parents because they criticized youractions based on only part of the picture?

作为（外）祖父母们，你是不愿意太快对孩子父母的行为作出判断的，因为你可能只看到了极复杂情况中的一小部分。你曾因为你的父母过于片面，在只了解部分情况时批评你，而感到挫败吗？



If you’re a grandparent of a child on the spectrumand you’re close to the family and providing lots of support, blessyour heart! You’re probably already tuned in to what we’re talkingabout here. If you’re a grandparent who’s been separated bydistance or other factors and you’d like to be closer, here aresome steps you can take to build bonds with yourgrandkids.

如果你的孙子/女（外孙）患有自闭症，且你和他／她的家庭很亲近，并提供了诸多支持，那么上帝保佑！你可能已经成为我们正讨论的典型了。如果你因为地理距离或其他因素，和孙辈及其家庭较疏远，但期望更为亲近，我们提供了以下几种方式，可以帮助你和孙辈们建立起联系。



Talk with your son or daughter and his or herspouse about your grandchild. Find out as much as you can about thechild’s condition and what they’re doing to help and support him orher. Ask how you can help and how they want you to deal with anychallenging behaviors. Kids with autism often face a lot ofrejection, so some of the most important things you can offer arelove, patience, and unconditional acceptance. This comes morenaturally to some grandparents than to others, but it can mean alot to a child who others may see simply in terms of his or herproblems.

跟你的儿子/女儿及其配偶谈谈你的孙子/女（外孙）。尽量多的了解孩子的情况、及其父母的支持方式。询问你可以帮到忙的地方，以及他们期望你能如何应对突发、难以处理的行为。自闭症孩子常常面对很多的拒绝，所以你能够给予他们最重要的是爱心、耐心和无条件的接受。这对于大多数（外）祖父母们来讲是自然而然的爱护，而对常遭受歧视的孩子来说，却意义重大。



People often focus on the problems of autism, butthere’s another side to the story. You may find that spending timewith an autistic grandchild lets you be with a fun person who justlooks at the world a bit differently. Sometimes letting go of whata child might have been helps you truly appreciate who he is. Myson, who has Asperger Syndrome, has a great relationship with hisgrandparents, who live nine hours away, but visit frequently. He’salso lucky to have relatives who live close by, including agreat-uncle who always enjoys swapping jokes whenever they’retogether.

人们常常只关注到自闭症所带来的问题，但总有另外一些方面。你会发现，同患自闭症的孙儿在一起时,你变得更有趣了，看待世界的视角也发生了改变。有时候，放弃“一个正常孩子应该是怎样的”这种固有的想法，反而能帮助你真正认识你的孙儿。我孩子的祖父母们住在9小时车程以外的地方，但他们时常来探望。我的自闭症儿子因此和他们关系很好。他的舅舅也时常与他逗趣，能有这些临近的亲属，儿子十分幸运。



It’s important to recognize that kids on thespectrum often have significant strengths as well as challenges.You may be the person who can help draw out those strengths andhelp your grandchild prepare to deal as independently as possiblewith the outside world. What a feeling it is to make a real,positive difference in a child’s life.

自闭症孩子们通常拥有出众的长处但也会有在某些方面面临很大的困难，意识到这一点很重要。作为（外）祖父母，你应成为那个发现并且放大孙儿优势的人，帮助他/她尽可能独立地面对外界的多变。在孩子的生命中做出真正、正面的影响，这感觉多么棒啊！



Spending time with your grandkids can help build arelationship that gives parents the confidence to leave a child whoneeds special attention in your care. It can be hard to findspectrum-savvy baby sitters, so perhaps you can enable stressed-outparents to go out for some much-needed, worry-freerecreation.

多和你的孙儿待在一起，这样既可以培养感情，也使得父母辈有信心暂离需特别注意的孩子们，并交由你照顾。找到一个懂自闭症的保姆往往比较困难，所以你或许可以帮助承受巨大压力的孩子父母们，让他们暂时放松一下，娱乐身心并缓解忧愁。



Sometimes, parents just need someone to listen.Lending your ear may help them put things in perspective. If youhave advice to offer (you do, don’t you?), it’s more likely to betaken if you use the recipe of ten parts listening to one partadvice. Also, make sure you know what you’re talking about andfocus on the benefits of what you’re suggesting. Be aware that it’scommon for parents of kids on the spectrum to be wary ofunsolicited advice, particularly if they’ve heard people routinelysuggest therapies that don’t apply, or make simplistic observationslike, “He just needs more discipline.” Even if you have good adviceto give, you may have to overcome “advice burnout.”

有时候，孩子的父母们只是需要合适的倾诉对象。洗耳恭听，可以帮助他们纾解。如果你想提建议（你难免会这样想！），最好的方式是十分听、一分说。并且确保你知道自己在讨论什么，注重强调你提的建议会带来哪些益处。你也应该意识到，自闭症孩子的父母们对主动提供的建议往往更警惕，特别是当他们已经听够了别人例行公事般建议没有效果的疗法、或被草草妄下定论：“他们（孩子）只是需要更多的纪律和处罚。”所以即使你有很好的建议，也必须要学会克服“建议倦怠”这道难关。



The best way to have yourcounsel taken is to really listen to the parents, really do yourresearch and, hopefully, spend enough time with the child that youshow his or her parents you really understand the situation. Alwaysfocus on the benefits of what you’re suggesting. If you still senseresistance, you might try approaching the subject by askingquestions. “I read about treatment ‘XYZ’ where children respondedwell. Is that something that you think might helpJimmy?”

让您的忠告被采纳的最好方法是倾听孩子父母的话，实地调查，可能的话，用足够的时间和孩子待在一起，以此让他/她的父母明白你真的了解情况。永远把重点放在你所提供的建议的有益面。如果你仍有一些抵触情绪，你可以试着通过提问来接近目标，比如：我看到一个叫“XYZ”的治疗方案，听说对孩子很有疗效。你认为这会对Jimmy有帮助么？



I’ve seen some situationswhere one or both parents were in denial about a child’s condition,and the grandparents diplomatically encouraged the parents to havethe child tested or to seek support. This encouragement can be atremendous benefit to the parents and grandchild.

我见过一些父母否定孩子病情的情况，爷爷奶奶们委婉地鼓励家长带孩子去检查或者寻求支持。这个鼓励对家长和孩子来说都有很大的好处。



With some parents, however,it’s a challenge to help them see through their denial. If you pushtoo hard, you risk having them throw up a wall that keeps you fromhelping your grandkids. Just remember that sometimes parents aremourning the loss of the child they expected your grandson orgranddaughter to be. Again, patience and a lot of listening is agood strategy to put you in a position to influence the situationin a positive way.

但是对于有些家长来说，拆穿他们的抗拒心理是具有一定难度的。如果你压迫得太紧，他们很可能会筑起心墙，阻止你帮助你的孙子/女（外孙）。记住有时候家长会因为孩子无法成为自己期待的样子而感到忧伤。再一次提醒，耐心和倾听是对眼前的境况产生正面影响的非常好的方法。



I also know of situationswhere grandparents are actually raising their grandkids. It’s aspecial kind of caring when “extended family” becomes just “family”because that’s what children need.

我同样知道一些家庭是爷爷奶奶在抚养孩子。这种特殊的照顾类型使“大家庭”变成了“家庭”，因为这正是孩子所需要的。



Even though grandparents havethe full range of strengths and flaws that we all have, thatspecial connection with grandkids often seems to bring out the bestin people. Ideally, grandparents have just enough distance to seethings realistically, are close enough to really care, and have theexperience to be effective.

尽管爷爷奶奶有所有我们所拥有的长处和缺点，但这种和孙子孙女的特别的联系常常能使孩子成长得很好。最理想的是，爷爷奶奶有足够的距离来现实地看待事物，又足够靠近来真正地关心，同时又有有益的经验。



But caring counts most. WhenI think of my own grandparents, I realize that my best memories arenot about the size of the crayon box granddad bought me. They’reabout special people caring a whole lot about making my lifecolorful and fun. They made me look forward to every minute I waswith them.

但是关心是最重要的。当我想到自己的爷爷奶奶时，我发现我最好的回忆不是关于爷爷买给我的蜡笔盒有多大，而是被他们特殊地关照着，使我生活多姿多彩并快乐。他们使我期待待在他们身边的每一分钟。



What better gift could yougive?

还有什么比这更好的礼物呢？



翻译：Greta      

梦缘         

复核：Rexx        

刘玘-67     

转自：新浪微博 @ 豆苗计划志愿者联盟关爱自闭症

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